i am sleepy today.


it is double-edged. the two sides of the blade are unalike, identical.

i am dulled. i am affectionate, sappy. it softens me. there is nothing more i would like than to squeeze close a friend with all my strength. none are nearby. this town has no rail link.

i am sharpened. i am disquieted, uncomfortable. it hones points. what i find myself within is not enough. what i find myself around is not enough. none are nearby. rare opportunities.

i'm filled with wanderlust i am sleepy. i am vulnerable. each time, each contact, more and slightly more, it sets in - what i require is spatial. it is space. proximate. it is opportunity to be me, more of me, more, more, more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more

it is better each time. it is worse each time. i do not care if i do not engage as much as i want. i do not care if i am scared. i am there. i am there. that is the only thing that matters.
that is all that matters.
that is the reason.
i cherish it.




my dreams are running circles i love you. i love you. i love you. i love you. i love you. i love you. i love you. i love you. i love you.
all of you. all the time. the statement will never degrade. i love you.
i do not say it as often as i think it for fear of being overbearing.

there is nothing to do when i am caged but think about how much it would hurt to thrash against the bars.

so i sit here. i am patient. i will have time again to glow. i will have time again to burn. it wells up, suppressed inferno. it will not turn me to ash. it is tempered. it is well-trained. it is channelled.

i want to wake up smiling i send four glyphs on our behalf. over, and over, and over, and over, i love you, i love you, i love you, we love you.

it is many months out. i will say it in person again. i will be there. I WILL BE THERE. i will squeeze you all with everything i have. you will feel my love through that, i hope. you will think about it until the next time, i hope.

i cannot do much alone. i cannot solve my biggest problem alone. i do not know how to reach out for help.
i do not know how to solve this emotion.
i do know i am unable to execute it.
i do know i need to be taken along like an ex-stray cat.




i will be so scared, but i will be there. i will be there. i will be there.
i will be there.
I WILL BE THERE.
I WILL BE THERE.
I WILL BE THERE. I WILL BE THERE. I WILL BE THERE.
I WILL BE THERE, AGAIN, AND AGAIN, AND AGAIN.
it is everything, the only thing, i know to do.
oh, it is everything.


confide in me, in your heart, after all





trust me to be true
     and thanks for complimenting the jacket.